I could move mountains of air with 389 air mover fans

[via Ebay]

I could own one single used houseboat

[via Yachtworld]

(It’s a step down from the yachts of my peers)

I could repulse a great amount of people with 23293 turds of fake human poop

[via Amazon]

I could color the backyard ponds of 3866 households green with 1 lb of algae each

[via Buy Algae]

I could remind 6480 people of their epidermis by giving them skin cell plush dolls

[via Amazon: Giant Microbes]

I could scare a school with 3224 remote controlled Tarantulas

[via Awesome Inventions]

I could learn the art of manliness and give and 4266 others the provisions to do so

[via Amazon]

I could own my own domain name on wordpress for the next 3222 years

[via WordPress]

I could host a sizeable dance fest with 7090 bacon dashboard dancers as attendance

[via Amazon]

I could attract the healing properties within Bacon with 12691 tubes of Bacon Lip Balm

[via Amazon]

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